Comments on: How to get your baby to sleep through the night, Part I http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/ ideas and inspiration for moms Fri, 10 Feb 2012 03:41:18 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Sarah V. http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-79430 Sarah V. Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:28:35 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-79430 But what you're not mentioning here is that most forms of sleep training *aren't* simply about leaving the child alone for however long it takes them to stop screaming. The most common one involves parents going back in after a few minutes and then lengthening the time they spend out of the room bit by bit, but always coming back in again (this is controlled crying, or Ferberisation). Personally, I prefer to use methods that don't even involve leaving the child alone for that long - I'd have been happy to sit by the cot settling my children to sleep if that had been what worked, and I tried to use gentle methods first. But both of my children reached a point where they just wouldn't settle that way. What I discovered with my son was that what was upsetting him most was having to stop playing and go to bed, and sitting next to him was actually giving him a mixed message, because he hoped I'd start playing with him again - it was actually kinder to set a firm limit by walking out of the room and thus making it clear that it was bedtime, rather than blurring the limits. With my daughter, I found that trying to put her to sleep just kept her awake. She needed a few minutes of crying to let off steam and get herself to sleep, and *any* attempt I made to comfort her in that time just made matters worse by waking her up when she was trying to get to sleep. With regard to the points you made: 1. It's hard for me to see how coming back into the room every few minutes teaches the baby that no-one is going to come. 2. If an adult was screaming "I need you! I need you!" from the other room several times a night, regardless of how tired you were, not because of any sort of emergency but just because they wanted a cuddle multiple times per night, and if you'd checked on them and found there wasn't anything more than that going on this time either - yes, I think in that situation practically all of us would consider it completely appropriate to leave them to it. 3. Sleep training isn't meant to be about leaving a hungry baby or one who needs a change or who's had a nightmare. It's meant to be a way of teaching children to get back to sleep when all that's happened is that they've woken up briefly the way all children do several times each night, and when the only problem is that they can't fall back to sleep by themselves. 4. I certainly don't believe in leaving a person who's in agony and doing nothing. I don't think a child left alone in a safe warm cot for a few minutes who isn't hungry or wet or dirty is in agony. They might prefer to have more playtime, they might just prefer to have you there, but I don't think you can equate that to being in agony. But what you’re not mentioning here is that most forms of sleep training *aren’t* simply about leaving the child alone for however long it takes them to stop screaming. The most common one involves parents going back in after a few minutes and then lengthening the time they spend out of the room bit by bit, but always coming back in again (this is controlled crying, or Ferberisation). Personally, I prefer to use methods that don’t even involve leaving the child alone for that long – I’d have been happy to sit by the cot settling my children to sleep if that had been what worked, and I tried to use gentle methods first. But both of my children reached a point where they just wouldn’t settle that way. What I discovered with my son was that what was upsetting him most was having to stop playing and go to bed, and sitting next to him was actually giving him a mixed message, because he hoped I’d start playing with him again – it was actually kinder to set a firm limit by walking out of the room and thus making it clear that it was bedtime, rather than blurring the limits. With my daughter, I found that trying to put her to sleep just kept her awake. She needed a few minutes of crying to let off steam and get herself to sleep, and *any* attempt I made to comfort her in that time just made matters worse by waking her up when she was trying to get to sleep.

With regard to the points you made:

1. It’s hard for me to see how coming back into the room every few minutes teaches the baby that no-one is going to come.

2. If an adult was screaming “I need you! I need you!” from the other room several times a night, regardless of how tired you were, not because of any sort of emergency but just because they wanted a cuddle multiple times per night, and if you’d checked on them and found there wasn’t anything more than that going on this time either – yes, I think in that situation practically all of us would consider it completely appropriate to leave them to it.

3. Sleep training isn’t meant to be about leaving a hungry baby or one who needs a change or who’s had a nightmare. It’s meant to be a way of teaching children to get back to sleep when all that’s happened is that they’ve woken up briefly the way all children do several times each night, and when the only problem is that they can’t fall back to sleep by themselves.

4. I certainly don’t believe in leaving a person who’s in agony and doing nothing. I don’t think a child left alone in a safe warm cot for a few minutes who isn’t hungry or wet or dirty is in agony. They might prefer to have more playtime, they might just prefer to have you there, but I don’t think you can equate that to being in agony.

]]> By: Melinda J http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-79400 Melinda J Sun, 26 Jul 2009 07:31:07 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-79400 Stephanie, I just saw this post at KellyMom and was reminded of your article. Looks like that 'limb' you're on is supported by lots of research! http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?t=42835 Stephanie, I just saw this post at KellyMom and was reminded of your article. Looks like that ‘limb’ you’re on is supported by lots of research!

http://forum.kellymom.net/showthread.php?t=42835

]]> By: Annie @ PhD in Parenting http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-77392 Annie @ PhD in Parenting Fri, 10 Jul 2009 12:51:16 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-77392 Great post! Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog and pointing me your way. Great post! Thank you for leaving a comment on my blog and pointing me your way.

]]> By: Allison http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-76183 Allison Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:42:10 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-76183 I agree with you 110%. My son has always been a terrible sleeper. He was up multiple times a night throughout his infancy, before he finally started sleeping through the night at 11 months of age. But then? At 13 months...he started waking up again a few times a night. It was AGONY, especially after getting used to him sleeping through the night for a few months! He is back to sleeping through the night, and I have never, ever, let him "cry it out." He cries, and I won't go in the second I hear him. I give him a few minutes, listen to what kind of cry it is, and generally end up going in. He knows that I respond, and, like you, I think that is *very* important. I agree with you 110%. My son has always been a terrible sleeper. He was up multiple times a night throughout his infancy, before he finally started sleeping through the night at 11 months of age. But then? At 13 months…he started waking up again a few times a night. It was AGONY, especially after getting used to him sleeping through the night for a few months!

He is back to sleeping through the night, and I have never, ever, let him “cry it out.” He cries, and I won’t go in the second I hear him. I give him a few minutes, listen to what kind of cry it is, and generally end up going in. He knows that I respond, and, like you, I think that is *very* important.

]]> By: Cindy http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-76039 Cindy Tue, 23 Jun 2009 23:37:18 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-76039 Finally, someone that thinks like I do. My babies sleep right next to me. They love it, I love snuggling too. They will only be little once and they will not be in your bed as a teenager. So, tend to your little ones, show them how much you love them by being there, showing them that they are safe and Mommy is right there. Thank you so much for posting your opinion! Finally, someone that thinks like I do. My babies sleep right next to me. They love it, I love snuggling too. They will only be little once and they will not be in your bed as a teenager. So, tend to your little ones, show them how much you love them by being there, showing them that they are safe and Mommy is right there. Thank you so much for posting your opinion!

]]> By: Tiffany http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-76001 Tiffany Tue, 23 Jun 2009 20:34:08 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-76001 We did the cry it out with both girls and they were both around 9ish months old. With Mikayla, she would go to sleep fine on her own at the beginning of the night and then wake up sometime in the middle. All I would do is find her binky, rock her for a few minutes and then she would fall asleep again. She was also difficult to get down for a nap. After letting her cry it out in the middle of the night, I did make sure everything was ok (which ticked her off more) and she settled down after about 20 minutes. Now she is a great sleeper but is she wakes up and needs me she quickly comes to get me. Lily was (and still is a handful). At 9 months I would still take a bottle in to her and she would fall asleep eating. (It instead of rocking she would drink her bottle to lull her to sleep). She would also go to sleep just fine at the start of the night and for naps, it was just that middle of the night wakings. She cried, fussed and what not for about 10 minutes and then settled down. She is a good sleeper but she will wake up, cry for about 1 minute and then go back to sleep. I truly think with both girls this was what they needed and now they are great sleepers. I think if we did not do this I would be getting up with both of them in the middle of the night still. We did the cry it out with both girls and they were both around 9ish months old. With Mikayla, she would go to sleep fine on her own at the beginning of the night and then wake up sometime in the middle. All I would do is find her binky, rock her for a few minutes and then she would fall asleep again. She was also difficult to get down for a nap. After letting her cry it out in the middle of the night, I did make sure everything was ok (which ticked her off more) and she settled down after about 20 minutes. Now she is a great sleeper but is she wakes up and needs me she quickly comes to get me.

Lily was (and still is a handful). At 9 months I would still take a bottle in to her and she would fall asleep eating. (It instead of rocking she would drink her bottle to lull her to sleep). She would also go to sleep just fine at the start of the night and for naps, it was just that middle of the night wakings. She cried, fussed and what not for about 10 minutes and then settled down. She is a good sleeper but she will wake up, cry for about 1 minute and then go back to sleep.

I truly think with both girls this was what they needed and now they are great sleepers. I think if we did not do this I would be getting up with both of them in the middle of the night still.

]]> By: Michael http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-75767 Michael Mon, 22 Jun 2009 17:42:22 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-75767 Unfortunately too many babies have had to make trips to the mortuary because they weren't allowed to "Cry it out" or cry at all in some cases. Every baby, every parent, every situation is different and I don't think that there can ever be a "One size fits all" solution when it comes to whether or not to allow your baby to cry. It may make you cringe to hear a parent say that they allowed their baby "Cry it out", but how do you feel when you hear that a parent has shaken their child to death? Unfortunately too many babies have had to make trips to the mortuary because they weren’t allowed to “Cry it out” or cry at all in some cases. Every baby, every parent, every situation is different and I don’t think that there can ever be a “One size fits all” solution when it comes to whether or not to allow your baby to cry. It may make you cringe to hear a parent say that they allowed their baby “Cry it out”, but how do you feel when you hear that a parent has shaken their child to death?

]]> By: Laura http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-75654 Laura Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:21:14 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-75654 I agree with you, and couldn't do it with our son, but I try not to judge others. I don't live with their baby or know what they need. But... I agree with you. I agree with you, and couldn’t do it with our son, but I try not to judge others. I don’t live with their baby or know what they need. But… I agree with you.

]]> By: Jinxy http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-75638 Jinxy Sat, 20 Jun 2009 21:07:44 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-75638 I completely agree with you. There is no way I am going to let my sweet baby girl cry for longer then it takes me to get up and get her. Usually a minute at most. And yes a slight fuss is different. Although Lily doesn't really know the difference. I completely agree with you. There is no way I am going to let my sweet baby girl cry for longer then it takes me to get up and get her. Usually a minute at most.
And yes a slight fuss is different. Although Lily doesn’t really know the difference.

]]> By: Erin S. http://metropolitanmama.net/2009/06/how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night-part-i/#comment-75632 Erin S. Sat, 20 Jun 2009 20:15:25 +0000 http://metropolitanmama.net/?p=6564#comment-75632 thank you for this post! i am most definitely NOT a let my child cry it out person. although i must confess i did try it once with my first child. i would have to say that it was not successful in several ways. anyways, i love how you worded these arguments/rationales. i now have a better way of expressing myself. thank you for this post! i am most definitely NOT a let my child cry it out person. although i must confess i did try it once with my first child. i would have to say that it was not successful in several ways.
anyways, i love how you worded these arguments/rationales. i now have a better way of expressing myself.

]]>