Most of the time, it’s pretty inconvenient to be a parent.
You want to sleep in. But your kids wake up at an unforgiving hour. You need to make dinner. But your baby wants to be held and swayed and jostled just-so. You’d love to sit in Starbucks for an hour with a book in hand. But, if you did that, you would probably get kicked out because your 18-month-old would run through the cafe wildly.
Parenting is a high-sacrifice business. There are a lot of costs involved. Our kids don’t always do what we want them to do…which, I’ve come to understand, is a good thing.
Consider these common complaints [I hear them often]:
“She wakes up before the sun comes up!“
“He wants to be held all of the time!“
“She has such a strong will!“
“He just won’t obey – he always has to question everything!“
“She sleeps so lightly! If a pin drops in our house, she wakes up.“
“He won’t sit still! He is moving constantly!“
“She is so weary of strangers!“
“He won’t play by himself. He wants me all of the time!“
The truth is that almost all of those things are good, wonderful, beautiful, and important characteristics.
She wakes up early because she loves life and doesn’t want to miss a single thing! He wants to be held because he trusts you and your presence comforts him! She is constantly thinking about things and has an opinion! He is inquisitive and analytical and refuses to do things without reason! She will wake up if danger is near! He has tons of energy and likes to be active! She knows the people in her life and has great intuition! He loves to be near you because you are his favorite person in the world!
You see? Most of the things we mark as inconvenient are good – very good. After all, would we really want our kids to be weak-willed, lazy, easily-led, unquestioning, deflated souls?
On the contrary! I yearn for my kids to be brave, strong, daring, active, and thoughtful leaders! I want them to be courageous enough to challenge the status quo, fast enough to outrun the scariest villain, smart enough to brainstorm possibilities, and bold enough to create change.
I try to remember these things in the “inconvenient” moments – when my baby takes an extra short nap (She is a lively little girl who doesn’t need as much sleep as the norm! Just think how many things she will be able to accomplish!) or when my 3-year-old wants to read the same book for the gazillionth time in a row (She is a little bookworm and is absorbing language at a neckbreaking pace!).
When I am at the park or in a group of parents and someone inevitably says, “He is so stubborn!” or “She keeps asking me ‘why’ a million times!” I almost always think to myself, “That’s wonderful!“
Reframing things from “inconvenient” to “incredible!” really helps me to keep perspective.
These are the days of life, of growth, and of wonder. These are the days of my children’s youth and I want to be mindful of the people that they are today and the people that they are becoming.
So far? My girls are beautiful, bright, confident, charismatic, and compassionate people that don’t hesitate to speak up about injustice or to help other people.
I am one very proud mama indeed.
This is so true! What a great way to keep perspective! I often find myself thinking about the inconveniences of young kids – but like you, realize that these traits would be considered great for an adult.
I have been a SAHM with my sons from the beginning.
What I have witnessed with them is incredible.
Two sons, two very different people! I wouldn’t
change a thing…..I adore your perspective…..
Thanks, Cindi
Thank you Steph, I needed this. Usually I have a very similar outlook to this. I love that my baby wants to be close to me and doesn’t like strangers. However she decided that 4 am was a good time to get up today and I wasn’t thrilled. This post was perfectly timed.
BTW Lily went crazy when she saw the first picture of your baby on this post. She started talking to her and making the most adorable faces and hand gestures.
All very true. I think parents can lose sight of how wonderful these things are because they are happening every single day and we get burnt out.
I know when I begin feeling overwhelmed or unhappy being a parent, I take a break a time out… I go out with my husband for the day, or a friend, or alone.
And, I’m telling you, that always works to re-energize and refresh the parent in me and I come back to my “job” feeling renewed and ready for anything that comes my way.
Nell
Thank you so much for this post! It’s so true and it definitely helps keep things in perspective when we’re all having those tough days. I have caught myself making those complaints and it really helps to reframe my thinking. My son was one of those babies that hated the swing, bouncy seat, etc and just wanted to be held. I remember getting anxious about how I was going to get done all the things I was “supposed to” get done. Now that he’s walking, he is all over the place and I long for those days when all we did was cuddle and rock all day long. Thanks again for the post, I’m sure I will come back to it often when I need some positive encouragement!
Such a great post! I too, have such a hard time with parents complaints about their kids. There are so many people who have such a difficult time having kids at all and also others who have gone through terrible situations like losing their kids. I have such a hard time with the “terrible two’s” label because I feel like even though kids can be a challenge at this time, there are so many more magical things happening with them that is much more tremendous than terrible!
What a great perspective to have! I honestly need to have that perspective more often. Lately it seems that all I have been doing is complaining of the stubborn streak in my almost 3 year old, and the fact that my 9 month old doesn’t nap or sleep well at all. You remind me that I need to cherish it and look at those things as positives, not negatives! Thank you!
What a great perspective! Thank you for reminding me of those things. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that those ARE good qualities. I have to constantly remind myself that they are not just little adults, they are little kids and they think like little kids. I force myself to think like them sometimes and it helps me to be more understanding and patient.
Very true and just the reminder that I needed!
Great post, Stephanie. And great reminder!
I was just telling some good friends of ours that our 3yo son can be exhausting because he talks nonstop all. day. long. But they turned it around and said, “Yes, but his verbal skills are out of this world and he’s so social, and funny, and has good manners, and a wild imagination…”
Sometimes all we need is an outsider’s comment to remove us from the day-to-day grind. Those words remind us that our kids truly are incredible!
What a great post! I try to think this way, but it’s not always easy when my day isn’t going as planned. I sometimes tell people that my son isn’t going through the terrible two’s, he’s just at an age where he doesn’t hold back his feelings and emotions…and that’s a great quality to have.
What a great post! It really does help if you just look at your children’s lives & even your own in just a little different light. Change a a few thoughts and things look so much brighter and like they should. I am totally passing this on to some of my friends. I have a few who always seem to complain about the things their kids are doing & this would be a great read for them! Thanks for always sharing such heartfelt things! You really do inspire me when I read your post!
Even though I sometimes tire of my 18month old still nursing, pretty much whenever she wants…which is often, I see how happy and comforted she is during and after nursing. I’m glad that I can be that for her, a comfort that only mommy can give her. I know in time, when she’s ready, she won’t need that part of the mother/child relationship. So, until then, thinking of it as incredible is definitely helpful!
What a wonderful perspective, Stephanie! This can be applied all the way to the teen years, I’m learning. When I realize that the things that drive me crazy sometimes are also the things that mean my son is finding his way, maturing, learning to state his case(!) and questioning things, it helps.
So true. Sometimes, in the heat of a moment or frustration, I can only close my eyes and make my paryer “Give me eyes to see, Jesus.” Seeing things are they truly are – with a long term perspective – helps immensely. And brings more joy to us all. thanks for writing so beautifully!
Thank you!!
You brought tears to my eyes and opened my mind to thoughts about my kids. It is so true that I’m still learning everything everyday about my kids.
I have a 5, 3 and 2 year old that I’m raising as my “second chance” at parenting. This is something I’m putting on my mirror every day.
Thank you for the daily affirmation. I’m bless to have you in my life.
Thanks for the reminders. Sometimes I allow myself to focus on the inconvenient more than the incredible, and it’s not good for any of us. I think it’s normal, and not terrible to need to vent every so often, but certainly we should keep our focus on the positive rather than making it all about us. So again, thanks.
Well said! Thanks for sharing, and may we all take it to heart!
Thank you for this marvelous exhortation. I agree. But, I need the reminder!
Thank you so much for posting this. My 4.5 month is wants to be held ALL THE TIME. As a result, my house is a mess and dinner goes uncooked most nights… we eat a lot of pizza. It is so frustrating. But I never stopped to think about why, or how it might be a positive thing. So thanks for putting this into perspective!
What a wonderful way to keep everything in perspective! And this is a reminder I really have been needing. We’ve been trying to help my son night wean over the past few weeks, which has all three of us on edge. It’s so important to reframe those seemingly negative traits, to turn it around and recognize all that is positive instead. It’s all in how you look at it, isn’t it?!
Thank you for this post! You are so right! It is hard to find the ‘inconvenient’ as incredible at times, but it really changes perspective and helps us to love our children that much more. I have to tell myself, just as much as I tell my kids, “Have a happy heart.” Lately, I have been allowing myself to say “YES” a bit more. I so easily say no to things, then I remember that they are just 1 and 3 and sometimes I have to live a little in order to let them live and enjoy and explore this big wide world with more joy! Just because something is inconvenient for me doesn’t mean I should take that away from them all the time! Thanks again for the beautiful truths you laid out in this post!
Great reminder. I’m working on the getting up with the sun one…I like to start my day at 7…the little people have different ideas. Perhaps I should follow their lead.
Plus tose are all the things that we will miss in 20 years ;) I totally agree and love your attitude!
I love being a parent – it is truly incredible. At times I am overwhelmed and I wish for a few hours alone, but mostly the inconvenience doesn’t bother me. Thanks for this reminder I needed so much today of how much I do love being a mommy – in spite of sleepless nights and stinky diapers.
Thank you so much for this! Sometimes I forget that 15 years from now when the house is finally clean and the folded laundry is inside the cupboards(and not on the floors) I will think about this time and miss it all!
S was up at 3 this morning. Way too excited and signing ball and bird. He wanted nothing more than to go outside. It was incredibly cute (altho I am still exchausted!) and yes, terribly inconvenient. This is more true than anything… Perspective is everything.