Yesterday I asked my 15-month-old, “Are you a baby?”
She waved her head resolutely from side-to-side. A decided “no.”
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Then I looked at her – and SAW (again, for the millionth time) a little person. So smart. So affectionate. So creative. With so many opinions + intentions already.
In our society, we too often hush the minds and spirits of small children. We treat them as less important because they are little, because they don’t have money or means or majesty.
The truth, though, is that kids are wise in uncertain times, brave in difficult times, and kind in unkind situations. Kids feel things deeply, they often see things more clearly than the adults around them, and they think about things intensely. When given the words and the wings, kids can do incredible things. They can write books, engage in politics, defend their families, help the needy, start businesses, etc.
And I’m not just talking about when they’re 30 [see examples of amazing kids here and here].
As I have conversations with my girls in the coming years, I hope that they will HEAR, loud and clear, that they can do anything. I hope that they will resist the message from the media and pop culture that kids are too young to be capable. I pray that they will have the strength and the confidence to do big things. For good. For God.
To BOTH of my girls – If you read this someday (whether you’re 6 or 16 or 26), know this: I believe in you. Always have. Always will. You are smart enough, strong enough, and savvy enough to change the world – starting today.
(And I’m not just saying that because I’m your mom).
* This post was inspired, in part, by Too Small To Ignore by Wess Stafford (one of my favorite books and most certainly the best book I read last year).
Do you think our society underestimates children? What do you do to counteract that message? Also – have you read Wess Stafford’s book?
I haven’t read that book, but I’m planning to now – thanks for the rec!
I do think our society underestimates children, and I’ve been particularly frustrated lately by how this manifests itself. Our society sends parents the message that it’s OK to treat children in ways that we would never treat adults. The feelings and needs of children are often disregarded out of a preference for what is, essentially, the convenience of adults. When our culture can’t even treat our smallest members with respect and empathy, how can we begin to let them know that their ideas and dreams are important?
So with our children, we do our best to value them in ways that speak to their hearts – to treat their needs as valid. We listen to what they have to say, and take it seriously when they have a fear or concern. I hope this will lay the foundation of assuring them that they are loved and valued just as they are.
Loved this post! I definitely agree and I love Hannah’s comment as well. We do the same…always treat our little one’s opinions and feelings as completely valid and just as important. Further, we want her to express her feelings/opinions so we encourage that greatly! I haven’t read the book either but I want to now! We love Compassion International and try to support them as much as we can with two little sponsor kiddos. It’s such a wonderful organization!
I haven’t read the book but I will now. I do think that children are underestimated and undervalued in our society. For one small example, look at the way our society treats children on airplanes. We have flown numerous times with our son since he was 5 months old and we can see people rolling their eyes and praying that they won’t sit near us. However, our son has always been well behaved on the planes (he even sleeps!) while the adults are louder than he is!
My son has already taught me so much about myself and life in his 19 months. We were at the park one day, and he went up to play with another little boy who was about 4 years old. That little boy didn’t want to play with my son, so he pushed him away and my son fell down. I watched as my son picked himself up and went back to the boy to try to play with him again. Again, the other boy pushed him down. At that point, the other boy’s mom saw him push my son and made her son apologize. My son again tried to play with him. It was astounding to me how my son wasn’t willing to give up and how he was willing to forgive so easily. I hope I never forget that lesson in forgiveness.
Luckily he is too little to realize or feel society pushing him away. However, my husband and I have always been good about including him in our activities and our conversations. We do ask him what he thinks. When he is upset, we try to get him to communicate what is wrong. As he grows older, I hope that he realizes how loved and valued he is.
The same thing has happened to us on many flights! And I’m often surprised that the people who don’t want to sit next to kids are parents or grandparents themselves. Perhaps they should all read Emily’s post: http://www.chattingatthesky.com/2010/06/21/dear-me-in-20-years/. :)
I’m thankful that I was raised by parents who disregarded the whole “kids are not important” philosophy of the day. We were included in adult functions, in adult conversation, our ideas were listened to, encouraged – it’s how my Dad was raised and that whole side of the family always treated us as valuable members of the family – unlike my mother’s side of the family who firmly embraced the “children are to be seen and not heard” philosophy and who treated us as if we were simply necessary evils until we came of age – at which point we would begrudgingly be admitted to the adult table at dinner time.
Guess which family we wanted to spend our vacation time to go see every year.
I’m torn in how to answer this.
I would say society in general does underestimate kids. I get crazy when I read about increasing funds for the wars in Afghanistan but cuts to teachers and school lunch programs. Priorities!
But at the same time, I see many individual families who I feel let their children feel the entire world revolves around them without instilling a sense of responsibility or duty to others. There needs to be a balance. Children need to be aware of the world beyond themselves at an age appropriate level. Parents need to tend their relationship to model a healthy marriage.
I often see kids being marginalized, especially with their feelings. When my daughter is scared I try very hard to understand why and help her overcome the fear. Many people just say “buck up”, or insist that it is not scary. children have very real feelings and the way we treat their feelings can have a big effect on how they develop and understand their feelings.
Thank you for this post, Stephanie. This is so much how I feel. I so appreciate you putting your thoughts into written words, and I couldn’t agree with you more. I’ve got to read that book by Wess Stafford. It’s on my list, and I think now is time to move it to the TOP of my list. Thanks again.
I know this is a very oversimplified example, but we once “fired” a pediatrician (who came highly recommended by family friends, btw) because he used baby talk with our then 15 month old?!? At every visit he commented on how great her vocabulary and pronunciation were for her age… and then goo goo gah gah’ed at her. I just couldn’t stand it! We have always talked with and read to our children using real words b/c we realized very early on that even though they were small they were real, whole people ALREADY!
hope you do not mind that I am leaving a comment without answering your question :). I was reading your post with my baby on my lap. She pointed at your baby girl and said “Lana” (this is my baby’s name). They are both blue eyed and blond, except your little girl has more hair :).
I have been thinking that I really want to keep up this blog at least until they are teenagers so they can read it. Hosting might be expensive added up for 20 years or so, though.
I know kids are underestimated. My daughter makes me laugh both at her no-nonsense approach to saying what’s on her mind and at her intellect. They amaze me, and the things she has to say are pretty mind-blowing and awesome.
What I wouldn’t give to wish some balance in this world! I don’t think people spend enough on kids. I’m not talking about money! Time is the most precious thing to spend here. I do think people spend too much money on their kids to get them to go away. Tragic! Then there is the opposite side of the coin: people will spend more on ciggies, booze and cable than they will school supplies and healthy foods for their kids. My goodness! Why have them if you are too selfish to love them and take care of them?
This sounds like a book I need to read. Thanks for the suggestion!
“kids are wise in uncertain times, brave in difficult times, and kind in unkind situations. Kids feel things deeply..”
These words speak so much. I hate that Im going this way in my comment, but this made me think of all those kids that have to endure child abuse or child labor.
I know society as a whole doesn’t except this, but this happens, and I wonder how adults (like us) can treat children this way.
You are such a special mom Stephanie, and your daughters so special to have you!
Oh yes…and this book will definitely go on my reading list!