ideas and inspiration for moms
A few days ago, my 4-year-old folded all of the laundry. She came up with the idea all on her own. Then, she said, “I fold laundry even better than you.” [I didn't argue].
She put it all away too.
And she did a REALLY GOOD job. Not just for a 4-year-old. For anybody.
Almost every morning when she wakes up, I say to her, “I missed you when you were sleeping.”
And I mean it.
On this Wondrous Wednesday, I hereby present you with a list of my whimsies. These are things I would like to do someday – maybe I will, maybe I won’t.
I’m sure there are many more that I am missing, but these are the first ones that pop into my head.
Someday, I want to:
be a millionaire.Oh, wait – that last one is coming true.
* This post was inspired by Steph (if you don’t know her, you should).
What are a few of your “whimsies”?
ALSO – What is your favorite song for karaoke?
Welcome to “Tuesday Tours: What’s Happening on the Web” where I serve as your tour guide and showcase the best contests, freebies, deals, and reads for moms on the web…all in one convenient location.
Do you have an undeniable good mood? SAM-e Complete invites you to apply to be the next Good Mood Blogger, a 6-month gig with a salary of $30,000. Deadline: Nov. 3.
Marcela just ran her first Marathon…and her story inspired me to tears.
Belinda explains that Girls Want to Talk About Sex – With Dad.
Chris offers excellent life/blogging advice – Pay Yourself First.
Emily clears up in oft-referenced myth – Mommy Brain: It’s Not What You Think.
Paul presents 17 Web Resources to Help You Decide on Election Day.
The author of Birth Sense asks, Where’s The Evidence? 10 Ways Modern Obstetrics Ignore Evidence.
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*** If you have a contest or an announcement that you think might be a good fit for Tuesday Tours, e-mail me at stephanie@metropolitanmama.net.
Our dining room table is gone now. Tim sold it to a couple off Craigslist. When I came home from lunch with the girls, the house looked so empty. “Did you take a picture of it, by chance?” I asked him, wistfully.
I haven’t written much about the process of selling our things because I almost don’t know how to write about the magnitude of it. It’s so much more than, “we sold our couch” or “we gave away a bag of clothes.” Only recently has it begun to really sink in that we are letting go of EVERYTHING (except what we can fit in our RV).
It’s as if I’ve been writing a story, typing away on my laptop every day for years, laboring to make each word exactly right. With each thing we let go, I erase a word – Lamps, Books, Fondue Pot, Pictures on the Wall, Fancy Health Insurance, Bathtub, Craft Closet, Direct-Deposit Paychecks, Big-Screen TV, Roth IRAs, Circle of Friends, Washer-and-Dryer, etc. Pretty soon, the document is blank – the story that *I* worked so hard to write is gone. I panic a little, fingers trembling, tears stinging my eyes.
Suddenly, His voice calms my scattered heart, “Will you let me write the story?“
Four months ago, I never would have guessed that we would be here now. Selling everything we own to travel the country to give to others (and to learn from others).
But here we are, saying “yes” to a brand new story.
I suspect that it will exceed our wildest expectations.
* Comments are closed.
Wait. Before you glance at the titles (and find your favorite book there), here me clearly: I am NOT saying these books have nothing to offer. I am NOT saying you are a bad parent if you like these books.
I am saying that I do not recommend them to new parents because they are filled with misguided absolutes that could potentially lead new parents to veer away from their hearts (and to stumble further from their children’s hearts too).
Instead of providing extensive commentary, I’m going to primarily let the books speak for themselves.
On Becoming Babywise by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam (2001, Parent-Wise Solutions, Inc.)
Oh, Babywise – how do I summarize you? According to the back cover, the book is an “exciting infant management plan” (a phrase that leaves a bad taste in my mouth).
The book is probably most well-known for advocating parent-directed feeding: a 24-hour strategy that revolves around the premise that the baby must conform to the parent’s schedule from infancy.
In regards to sleep, the authors instruct new parents to: “Vow to avoid…intentionally nursing a baby to sleep, rocking a baby to sleep, or sleeping with your baby” because these practices “do not offer any healthy advantages.”
Also on the topic of sleep, the authors give this [incorrect] advice: “crying for 15-20 minutes is not going to hurt your baby physically or emotionally.” At nighttime, “crying bouts average between five and thirty-five minutes.” THIRTY-FIVE minutes! They conclude one chapter by saying, “Getting your baby to sleep through the night is not the final goal of parenting – but we believe it does represent a right beginning.” Ug. [I'm gagging].
They also discourage too much attention, “…constantly holding a baby during every fussy time is easily overdone.” They go on to say, “If you want a fussy baby, never let him cry, and hold, rock, and feed him as soon as he starts to fuss.” [For the record, the exact opposite has been true for both of my babies.]
The authors also imply that babywearing is silly (and “should not replace the crib“), that most babies should wean at 6-12 months, and that it is the parent’s “responsibility” to fully vaccinate each of their children.
The thing that disturbs me most about this book is the fact that the authors prey on a new parent’s fears and fail to give an objective view of the issues. This phrase – taken from the book – is cooed in many different ways throughout the text, “Surely you desire what’s best for your baby. Every good parent does.“
Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp (1995, Shepherd Press)
The title sounds wonderful, doesn’t it? Getting to the heart of the matter. Dealing with heart issues. Etc. I like much of what Tripp has to say, but his “child-rearing” strategies are extremely hard-handed.
Consider this sample dialogue between a father and his son -
He later states, “God has commanded the use of the rod in discipline and correction of children.” He goes on to say, “If you fail to spank, you fail to take God’s word seriously. You are saying that you do not believe the Bible…you are saying that you do not love your child enough to do the painful things that God has called you to.” He goes on to give 8 steps on “the How of Spanking.” The sixth step is to “Remove his drawers so that the spanking is not lost in the padding of his pants.” Regarding the smallest of children, he notes that, “Rebellion can be something as simple as a small child struggling against a diaper change or stiffening his body when you want him to sit on your lap.” He explains that when it comes to spanking, “you need to trust God and obey God.”
Here’s the thing. I DO believe the Bible, but I don’t believe that God commands spanking [context, please]. Nor do I think that a baby resisting a diaper change deserves to be punished!
“Don’t Make Me Count to Three!” by Ginger Plowman (2003, Shepherd Press)
This book comes on the heels of Shepherding a Child’s Heart. Clearly, the author is a huge Tripp fan and this book is essentially the same as his book – but in new packaging.
Before I share quotes from the text, I must point out that the cover of the book troubles me [click on the image to see a larger view]. A little girl is crossing her arms stubbornly. The mother is leaning over her with a spoon and a bottle of laxative…as if she is going to administer it to her daughter if she refuses to comply. [That image alone causes me to question the contents of the book].
Like Tripp, Plowman offers spanking as the premier and sole discipline strategy for babies and children. She writes, “To say, ‘I don’t believe in spanking’ is to say that God’s ordained methods for child training are wrong. It is to reject God’s word. It is to say you are wiser than God himself.” When asked how old a child should be to be spanked, she states, “I’ve had moms ask me when it is okay to slap their baby’s hand for disobeying and touching something that is off-limits. The answer should be obvious. When they disobey and touch something that is off limits. If they are old enough to disobey, then they are old enough to be trained to obey.” She advises parents to, “use an instrument with a little flex so that it stings without bruising.“
[Truly - it hurts my heart to even write these quotes out].
She is also big into the whole “instant obedience” thing, which states that children should only be given a “command” one time and they should obey immediately when it is issued.
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I could write much more about these books (and perhaps someday I will), but this post is already long. I’d like to hear from you…
Have you read any or all of these three books? What parenting books would you NOT recommend?
Yesterday, I took our girls on a “nature walk” in our neighborhood to collect smooth rocks, colored flowers, and interesting sticks.
As we walked, we passed homes festively decorated for Halloween. Our 4-year-old suddenly pointed at an adjacent house and whispered in my direction, “Are they celebrating bad things?“
I thought about how to answer. “Every family celebrates holidays in different ways. In our family, we choose not to celebrate death and evil.” She seemed satisfied by that response.
But I’m not sure I am satisfied with it.
It’s a fine line – teaching children what is right, while simultaneously encouraging them to THINK for themselves and to love [instead of judge]. I know I don’t get it right all of the time, falling off the line to one side or the other.
But how do you explain Halloween to a child? I want to tell them that it makes my heart ache to see dead bodies, murderers, and disfigured faces because these are not laughing matters. I say a little, but then I hold my tongue. I can only weigh down my 4-year-old’s tender-heart so much. Sometimes I think she talks too much of death already (because we often discuss the grim realities of poverty and disease worldwide).
I didn’t go trick-or-treating until I was in high school (my five siblings & I weren’t allowed and now I sort of understand why).
We have taken our 4-year-old the past two years because we have good neighbors and it’s convenient. When we took her for the first time at age 2, she would ask after each house, “Can we go to the next STORE?“
Although we do have happy memories from previous years, way-down-deep I don’t really like trick-or-treating. The homes are adorned with skeletons, bloody faces, and gravestones. The costumes range from fun and fancy to downright frightening and often ridiculously immodest. The darkness is thick in the air and the end result of the night is mediocre candy that has been on grocery store shelves for months.
I see the fun in dressing up, but…I’d rather do something different on Oct. 31st.
We’re a young family so we’re still figuring out our traditions; making our own way. I’m hoping that you’ll give me your ideas so that next year we’ll have something new to do – something that is full of light and hope.
How do YOU explain Halloween to your child(ren)? What do you do on Oct. 31st? Do you go to a church festival? Hit the streets for trick-or-treating? Celebrate the oft-forgotten Reformation Day instead?
* Photos (top to bottom): pumpkin (2006), cheerleader (2008), little miss muffet (2009)
As I was changing into my nightgown last night, I peeked out from the closet and happened to see my 4-year-old with her arm around her little sister’s waist.
(I stood, listening).
My 4yo spoke with certainty… ”Do you know this, Little One? When I grow up, I’m going to be a nurse. And when you get sick, you can come to me and I’ll take care of you.“
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Comments are closed (I just want to remember this).
