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My Wedding Dress, Part II

September 23, 2010 By 44 Comments

driving away as mr and mrs My Wedding Dress, Part IIThere was one redemptive moment of the night: Driving off as husband & wife. Tim & I together. Going to sleep in his arms and knowing I would wake there in the morning. THAT was magic – peace. Peace is the word I used to describe our marriage in that 1st year. Peace is the word I would use today.

My advice to brides-to-be is this*: Splurge on a great outfit (it doesn’t necessarily have to be a fancy white frock) and a really-super-awesome-artistic photographer. Document your union in crazy-cool pictures. If your money is all spent after those two things, don’t sweat it. Head for the courthouse and, if you like, celebrate w/ friends and family afterward at a laidback soiree (seriously, weddings can be so stuffy and stressful and matchy-matchy sometimes anyway).

But I can’t end on that note. My MOST IMPORTANT piece of advice is: everyone-huddle-in-tight, I-don’t-want-the-bridal-industry-to-sue-me…the wedding doesn’t actually matter. Your marriage matters. The day in, the day out. The private. The intimate. The life you live in between events and appearances.

mr and mrs our getaway My Wedding Dress, Part IIAnd, in that department? I have absolutely no regrets. As Tim put it a few days ago, “It’s nice to be able to say, ‘We’ve been married almost a decade and our marriage is awesome.’” In the early years, people looked at our intense happiness and wild romanticism and tight friendship and said, “Newlyweds!” Now, they’re not quite sure what to do with us. ;)

You see: I’d much rather have a disappointing wedding than a disappointing marriage. And our marriage is the opposite of disappointing. It’s the kind where we kiss every day. I text him at work and tell him I miss him. He knows exactly what to say when I’m having a ho-hum day. We can exchange a glance and know precisely what the other is thinking. We like road trips because we can talk for hours (mostly after the girls are asleep – otherwise, it’s chaos – you know how it is).

One day, Tim & I will have gray hair (and he’ll still have those hypnotic green eyes). He’ll take my hand at the dinner table and say, “‘Isn’t it nice that we can say…We’ve been married almost 50 years and our marriage is awesome?‘” And I’ll probably think to myself with the most secretive little-old-lady smile, “the dress didn’t matter so much after all.”

What wedding advice would YOU give to brides-to-be?

* Note: If you want a fancy dress and a big wedding, feel free to go confidently in the direction of your dreams. All I’m saying is – If you don’t have the money or the desire, that’s okay too.

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My Wedding Dress, Part I

September 22, 2010 By 75 Comments

bride and groom black and white My Wedding Dress, Part ISan Diego. Summer 2001. — While vacationing with my family in California, I stopped in at a ritzy bridal boutique in an upscale mall. Almost instantly, I saw IT. I don’t remember exactly what the dress looked like, but I remember it made me feel like I was walking on air. I don’t remember what was on the price tag, but I knew it was too much. Tim & I were both in college, broke and eating noodles. My parents had six kids and had expressed that they intended to keep everything thrifty (In the end, I think the entire wedding cost under $2,000).

When I got home, I looked up the dress in Brides Magazine and cut it out. I found it online and held onto a secret glimmer of hope that perhaps some mysterious benefactor would see how much that dress meant to me. But my fairygodmother never came.

bride on the steps My Wedding Dress, Part IBack home, my mom drove me to a small dive of a bridal shop in southwest Tucson. They were having a sale. I tried on an off-the-shoulder dress with beading and a train for $99. To this day, I’m not totally certain if everyone was oohing and aahing at the price or the dress. We bought it, took it home, and hung it on the back of my sister’s bedroom door. I cried that night. (And, perhaps, a few nights after that). Petty? Yes. I know.

I have to admit I was a little disheartened when money was spent on boutonnieres, bouquets, candle centerpieces, an awful officiant, and little favors (that everyone threw away).

At one point, we actually asked both sets of our parents – quite seriously – if we could elope instead. They weren’t excited about the idea and we were too young to express our wishes with confidence.

In the end, we had a wedding that was theirs (not ours). 275 people (neither of us are fans of huge affairs). Traditions that didn’t strike true in our hearts (the toasts, the cutting of the cake, etc.).

The event wasn’t us. It wasn’t what we wanted.

Don’t miss Part II tomorrow (there is a happy ending)…

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How much was your dress (and did you love it)? What was your wedding like?

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more than 2

September 12, 2010 By 44 Comments

two sisters dressed up more than 2The girls were splashing in a plastic baby pool on the grass in our backyard. Pink swimsuits. Blonde heads, curls springing up from the moisture. Ocean-blue eyes, glittering.

My 4-year-old was bossing. My 18-month-old was stepping in and out of the pool, her pudgy-but-still-itty-bitty thighs making my heart jump with delight.

I looked at them and a little picture flashed into my mind: More children dancing about the pool – laughing – loved.

It won’t always be two, my heart whispered with confidence.

I think about this daily (even though I’m not pregnant) – Will we have a boy someday? Another girl? 1 more? 2 more? 3 more? Will they all share the same skin color and the same DNA as me and my husband (or will we adopt)?

2 sisters sandbox more than 2I used to think that I knew the answer to those questions. But now? Now, I don’t know.

What I DO know is that there’s plenty of room still – in our hearts. I DO know that parenthood is magical, overwhelming, intense, exhausting, IMPORTANT – perhaps the most important thing we’ll ever do.

I can feel it deep down in my soul.

How many children do you have? Do you feel pressured by society (or by your family/friends) to have more/less children?

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Products I Wouldn’t Buy (would you?)

August 23, 2010 By 47 Comments

Somehow, we have all been tricked – taken – hoodwinked…into believing that having MORE things equals MORE happiness, MORE peace, MORE success. In fact, the opposite may be true.

Every once in awhile, I stumble across products that make me shake my head in utter disbelief. I can see how people are bamboozled into buying yet another raincoat or pair of shoes, but…this…this is new level of madness.

Tell me. Would you buy…?

a little colour1 Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)A Little Colour ($120/per child)

For only $120 (that’s one-hundred-and-twenty-dollars!), you can get a “specific analysis of your child’s colour profile and advice on colour issues.” According to the website, knowing your child’s best colours will take the hassle out of shopping because you’ll be able to choose choose outfits that will make your child look great. Heaven forbid that your golden-haired 3-year-old wear green when his color is really orange!

juppy baby walker Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)Juppy Baby Walker ($24.95)

Your toddler hasn’t started walking yet, but little Johnny and Jill next door have? Help your baby “catch up” with the Juppy, a canvas bag with handles. No more achy back for you. Don’t carry your baby any longer than you need to. Your baby WILL learn to walk if it’s the last thing you do.

Oh, and it’s doctor-approved…which means SO MUCH in this day-and-age.

booty pop Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)Booty Pop – Booty Enhancing Panties ($19.95 + shipping)

Are you a little flat-bottomed? Purchase a pair of these fluffy panties and your bottom will pop right out for all to notice and admire. Supposedly, all the celebs wear them. You want a pair now, right? We will all now flock to buy them because Kelly Ripa wore them on her show. Right? (Oh, how I hope that’s not true).

potty training stickers Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)Potty Training Stickers ($3.99-$5.99/sticker)

Is your little one having trouble with his/her…ahem…aim? Peel and stick one of these onto the inside of your toilet and the heat of your child’s urine will reveal a playful design. There’s even a “Hole in One” sticker for your little golf pro. No comment.

pump gloves Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)Pump Gloves ($14.95)

The Tagline is “Don’t Be A Ditz, Cover Your Mitts!” They are “designed to protect a woman’s hands and manicure from the gas, grease, grime and germs she comes into contact with while pumping gasoline.” I’m not making this up.

P.S. You might as well wear them while you are out running errands too…and especially when lifting those heavy shopping bags! Wouldn’t want to chip your nails, after all!

thanks for everything Products I Wouldnt Buy (would you?)Thanks For Everything ($3.50-$5.50/card)

Someone took the time to buy you a wonderful gift for your wedding, new baby, or special occasion. Now, you can show them how much you care…by hiring this company to write a thank-you note for you! Answer a few simple questions and they’ll craft a semi-lengthy note that is “so poignant and personalized” no one will ever know that you outsourced it. Sneaky, Sneaky.

* This post is obviously written in satire. If you actually bought these products and you love them, I want to hear about it. :)

Would you (or did you…) buy any of these products? What other interesting/laughable products have you seen advertised?

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Productive

August 21, 2010 By 63 Comments

Yesterday, we applied for passports. Tim already has his, but mine is long-expired and the girls needed theirs. We took, cropped, and printed out our own photos at home. It took a LONG time to get everything exactly right. Afterward, we went downtown to the courthouse where we had to put up our right hands and swear that our application was truthful. While we were there, THREE people asked us if the girls were twins because they had matching outfits on.

passport photo 1 year old Productive passport photo 3 year old Productive passport photo Productive

By the time we were done, it was 2 o’clock so we devoured cheeseburgers and french fries (with ketchup!) at In N Out. Then, we went to Fry’s to buy laundry detergent (we bought the arm + hammer brand this time because it was almost ten dollars cheaper than Tide! Ten dollars!).

hand in hand at the park ProductiveThis morning, we decided to take the “divide and conquer” approach.

Tim took the girls to the park in the morning w/ a cooler of ice and popsicles, while I researched health insurance options (and cried at the Samaritan Ministries video).

When they returned, we ate sandwiches w/ turkey, havarti cheese, spinach, and tomatoes on yummy rolls. Our 1-year-old napped and our 3-year-old watched the Mickey Mouse version of The Three Musketeers.

Then, I took the girls to Tim’s Grandpa’s house so that Tim could work on the Give Every Day website. When we got there, he insisted that the girls watch a National Geographic DVD (he always does)…and offered them chocolate. Before we left, we went on a walk to his mailbox & back (even though he had already got his mail for the day).

At dinner, we ate deli sandwiches (again) + fresh pineapple in the backyard…with the amazing promise of desert rain filling our noses.

After bathtime, I read a chapter of “Ramona and Her Father” to my pajama’d girls. It was the chapter where Ramona tries to convince her dad to stop smoking because she is afraid for his health.

It’s 8:48 and our 1-year-old has been asleep for about 30 minutes. Our 3-year-old is up eating a snack at the kitchen table (she often gets hungry before bedtime). After that, she’ll probably ask Tim to read more books to her (and he will).

“It’s been a productive weekend,” Tim just said satisfactorily. I agree.

But. It wasn’t only the “work” part that was productive. It was all of it. Including the books, the swinging, the playing in the sandbox after dinner, the breaking up quarrels, and the hand-holding.

Now that I think of it, perhaps those things were the most productive of all.

Do you have your passport? What brand of laundry detergent do you buy (and why)?

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Stress {we’ve got it}

August 19, 2010 By 31 Comments

super scary face Stress {weve got it}“You can’t be stressed out yet,” I told Tim this morning after we had a conversation about all of the things on our plate.

But…He is. I am. We are.

Our to-do list is too long: to-research, to-contact, to-decide, to-clean, to-sell, etc.

Fortunately, there is a glimmering hope ahead. An adventure awaits us. You may think that it will be more stressful to live in a tight little RV on the road, but – actually – it’s this “in-between” time that burdens us.

Yesterday, I was running around the house (literally) – picking up clutter, vacuuming corners, wiping counters, flushing toilets – in preparation for a possible visit from prospective homebuyers. I kept ordering my 3-year-old to “pick up your toys” and “bring this to the laundry room” and “watch where you’re walking.”

child leader Stress {weve got it}Later, in the car, I said, “I’m sorry for being grumpy this morning.” My 3-year-old answered back matter-of-factly, “Mommies aren’t supposed to get mad!” and then she said, “I forgive you.”

The whole day after that I kept looking at my girls and thinking about how wildly lucky I am. How did I end up with these two stunning, smart, sincere kids? I don’t have the right to be stressed out when my life is THIS GOOD.

Several people have confided in me that our life seems a little too idyllic. They want to know about the stressful times. They ask what I do when the going-gets-tough.

oh how i love these girls Stress {weve got it}The answer to that question is that we consciously choose to keep things in perspective.

The reason I don’t complain often on my blog is because I don’t have anything to complain about. My life IS idyllic. I’m married to my best friend. I have the 2 outstanding little girls. We have our health, our minds, our education, and our freedom. We have Christ in our lives.

We’re not perfect and all four of us have our moments of selfishness, rudeness, exhaustion, anger, and unruly behavior. In fact, we’re unquestionably IMperfect.

We’re just real people who acknowledge that…even on really bad days, our life is pretty good.

Have you been stressed lately? What do you do when stress creeps into your heart?

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Our House, In the Middle of Our House…[is love]

August 14, 2010 By 38 Comments

our house on red iron Our House, In the Middle of Our House...[is love]

When the day comes for us to walk out of our empty house and close the door, I know I’ll cry.

I won’t cry for the four walls, for the incredible mountain view, for the backyard that we worked on so hard, for the shiny appliances (okay, maybe I will cry for the washer + dryer…), or for the 1789 square feet.

I’ll cry because of the MEMORIES. All of the life that has happened here. The profound happiness.

firstborn baby 1 month old Our House, In the Middle of Our House...[is love]I’ll remember long talks with Tim in our master bedroom and out on the grass. Being intertwined in his arms on our white comforter.

I’ll remember holding my firstborn baby on the porch swing, staring at her perfect rosebud lips, kissing her tiny toes – delirious from sleeplessness and joy.

I’ll remember the pitter-patter of little feet on the tile floor, the sound of laughter echoing in our great room, the spaghetti-faced grin at the dinner table.

kitchen and island Our House, In the Middle of Our House...[is love]I’ll remember the peace of bringing baby #2 home from the birth center, of sleeping all together the very same night that I had her.

I’ll remember “toy parties” in the girls’ bedrooms, rolling peanut butter balls, sleeping on mattresses on the floor, reading chapter books at bedtime, carrying babies on my hip all day long. The neediness. The wonder. The magic. Of these days.

clapping her hands Our House, In the Middle of Our House...[is love]Even so, it’s not really the house that brings a lump to my throat, that keeps making me catch my breath. It’s the LOVE here (Oh, the remarkable, radiant love in this house!) and the MEMORIES.

The truth is, though, that we’ll bring those things with us into our little RV. Because they’re safely stored in our hearts.

I’ll definitely cry when I stand in the middle of our empty house that last time, when I close the door tightly behind us.

But I also know that this closed door will lead to many other doors. This is just the beginning.

How many times have you moved in your adulthood? If you had to move today, would you have a hard time leaving your house behind?

P.S. Want to buy our house?

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