you can’t buy happiness at Target

2 years old hand on her hip you cant buy happiness at Target

her signature pose - hand on the hips

She stands in the 3am light in the doorway of our master bedroom, one hand on her tiny hip. Pink monkey pajama pants. Sweetest of 2-year-old voices, “I need to go potty.”

I take her to the bathroom. We are both quiet, too tired to speak. Afterward, Tim opens his arms and she snuggles in, grateful, not wanting to go back to the room across the house.

Five minutes later, her older sister appears. Five years old, with gangly limbs and extra-long eyelashes, she prefers to be squished in bed with all of us than have a mattress to herself.

Tim says, “Oh, fine. Come on in.” I giggle softly from my side – and the girls do too, before slipping off to slumber.

All four of us – no, wait, five of us – on a queen size bed.

Yesterday, Tim said, “Sometimes I think about downsizing. We only use two rooms in our house anyway.”  Mmmm. I murmur in agreement. I know he’s not joking. Neither am I.

We have less stuff than ever, but we are slowing re-discovering what happiness looks like. And it’s certainly not found in Target.

My baby is such a “GOOD” sleeper

sleeping baby content My baby is such a GOOD sleeper

  • How is your baby sleeping?
  • Is she a ‘good’ sleeper?
  • Does she sleep through the night?

People still ask me those questions.

I always hesitate before responding.

The most truthful answer is that she is a wonderful sleeper and that we are all well-rested. If there ever is any lack of sleep in our house, it is because Tim and I are crazy and we stay up way too late working on projects and talking.

That being said, my 14-month-old still wakes up…oh, it’s hard to count because I don’t keep track…5+ times a night. Maybe more. Sometimes less.

When she wakens and cries/calls, I will immediately go to her and lay beside her, often nursing her. She usually doesn’t even open her eyes. She just turns to me, latches on, sighs contentedly, and falls back to sleep. When she doesn’t nurse, she usually just puts her hand on my cheek or my chest – and falls back to sleep. I then get up and return to whatever I was doing. At around 2am, I usually go into her room for the night and we both sleep until around 8am. It’s a beautiful thing.

baby sleeps well happy during day My baby is such a GOOD sleeperWhen people ask me how my baby is sleeping, I usually simply say, “Great!” and leave it at that. But sometimes I say more because I want people to know that it’s normal for little ones to require gentle parenting in the night. For some reason, our culture thinks the norm is for babies to sleep 8-12 hours per night, from 6 weeks on…and CERTAINLY by 6 months, 1 year, and beyond!

I actually think the opposite is true: [Most] babies wake up at night. Sometimes into toddlerhood. And it doesn’t make you a bad parent or your baby a bad sleeper if they do. I just want you to know that.

There also is a widely accepted myth that if you respond to your baby’s cries, then your baby will never be able to “soothe themselves to sleep.” Not true. Our 3-year-old sleeps all night long. In her own bed. Every night. Until approximately 8am.

When our firstborn was an itty bitty baby, I remember feeling pressured by the “Is your baby sleeping through the night?” question. Like it was some kind of competition and my baby was in last place. Other new parents would smile blissfully and describe how their babies slept 10 hours a night from week 2, etc. They’d say, “Oh, we put him on a schedule right away!” or “She just cried for 1 hour straight for 3 nights and she’s slept great ever since!

One time, we decided to *try* cry-it-out too. That lasted for about 2 minutes (what a truly unkind way to treat another human being, especially a baby!). (oh man – am I going to get comments about that!). (I thought about editing, but I can’t). (P.S. we can still be friends even if we disagree).

Shortly thereafter, we gave away our crib to a friend, bought a mattress for the floor, decided to respond every time our baby cried…and slept happily ever after.

I’m mostly writing this to say…If your baby is waking up in the night, it’s okay. There is no “Sleeping Baby” category in the Olympics. Your baby is probably doing just fine…and SO ARE YOU.

Speaking of the Olympics, you have heard about Baby Quad-Racing, right? Because my baby’s totally been practicing:

baby standing on one foot My baby is such a GOOD sleeper baby on quad My baby is such a GOOD sleeper

What Olympic event has your baby been practicing for? (Also – Is your baby waking in the night?)

1st Bday: BestView Handheld Color Video Monitor

When we were pregnant with our first baby, we registered for and received an audio baby monitor. It served us well for the short time we had it, enabling us to hear our baby’s squeaks and squirms and cries from the adjacent room (***we co-slept for the majority of the first year, but our baby still went to sleep before we did…).

baby sleeping 1st Bday: BestView Handheld Color Video MonitorThen, with our second baby, we upgraded to a video monitor and kazaam! we loved it instantly.

We currently have a video monitor in each of our girls rooms. It’s nice because if we hear a bump or a whimper in the night, we can peek in and know what the issue is right away. When we just had an audio monitor, we’d rush in at the slightest noise and, sometimes, we would end up waking up our daughter in the process! Now, we can see our girls from wherever we are in the house. It’s comforting to be able to see if they are sitting or crawling or if they bumped their heads, etc.

7edae16c3d1d372e4092f219eedfc244 150x119 1st Bday: BestView Handheld Color Video MonitorIf you are currently registering for baby gear and are overwhelmed by the myriad of monitor choices, I have a recommendation for you: the BestView Handheld Color Video Monitor by Summer Infant.

Here are the features that make it stand out from the rest:

  • The video quality is much clearer than its competitors and the 2.5″ LCD screen is large enough to ensure good visibility.
  • The system is reliable and rarely has any static.
  • The base swivels around the room so if your baby moves, you can remotely keep the camera on your baby instead of sneaking in to adjust the position of the base.
  • The camera also zooms in and out so you can ensure that your baby is the star of your show.

Summary: The BestView Handheld Color Video Monitor by Summer Infant is the 4th video monitor we have reviewed to date and it is the best – by far.

Screen shot 2010 02 28 at 9.26.46 PM 150x78 1st Bday: BestView Handheld Color Video MonitorWIN IT! One winner will receive a BestView Handheld Color Video Monitor (~$199.99) by Summer Infant. To enter, leave any topic-related comment on this post prior to Monday, March 8th at 11:59 p.m. (Don’t forget to follow the rules…all generic comments like “Enter me!,” “Love it,” and “Cool stuff!” will be disqualified.).

* I received a product for review purposes.

*UPDATE* The winner is #66 Christy. Congratulations!

You Asked, I Answer (Part V)

Here are 3 more questions you asked…and my answers.

mary parenthood phibian You Asked, I Answer (Part V)Mary asks: Have any tips on dealing with separation anxiety in an attached baby? It’s not that I want to leave my child with strangers, but it would be nice if her grandparents could hold her once in a while…

sleeping baby on my chest You Asked, I Answer (Part V)Um. Not really. Because…we don’t really leave our baby. Ever. She goes with me everywhere. To church. To parties. To parks. Everywhere. If you see me, you’ll probably see her. On my hip. Leaning against my chest. Or in a carrier.

We actually just recently began leaving her for a few hours here and there with my in-laws (she’s 11-months-old). She didn’t cry or whimper even a smidge…and that’s because she knows them very, very well.

I have found that the more ACTIVELY involved a person is in my baby’s life, the more she responds positively to them (that’s obvious, I know). And by actively involved, I don’t mean once a week/month.

After all, I often think to myself: Would *I* want to be passed around, hugged, and kissed by strangers and acquaintances (even if they go by “grandpa” and “grandma”)? No, I would not.

Although I don’t have any fantastic advice to share, I do have a bit of encouragement. It gets easier as you child gets older. My 3-year-old, for example, has a much better grasp of relationships and time…and can more easily slide into play with relatives that she hasn’t seen in a little while.

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staci three strait people You Asked, I Answer (Part V)Staci asks: Tell me how you get your girls to sleep!! I beg of you! I’m curious to find out the magical way to get babies to sleep through the night!

Ready for the magic formula? Pat your baby’s tummy. Sing Hush Bye Baby 3 times, while standing on one foot. Done. Just kidding!

Before I answer, I have to clarify some terms first. In our house, “sleeping through the night” simply means that everyone in our house is getting a full night’s rest. This happens almost every night in our house…except when Tim and I stay up waaaayyyy too late (which we are guilty of).

We have never followed any sleep books and we don’t support the cry-it-out method.

What we do is this:

  • I breastfeed our 11-month-old often throughout the night (for the second half of the night – from about 2am onward, I sleep with her and thus I pretty much nurse in my sleep).
  • We have intentionally created sleep environments in all bedrooms to accommodate a parent. It’s hard to have a baby that is sick or wants to snuggle at night…and then to have to lean over the crib to pat their backs or kiss their cheeks. Exhausting, if you ask me. It’s much better just to crawl into bed beside them. For us, anyway.

the no cry sleep solution You Asked, I Answer (Part V)One resource that I would recommend is The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley. She shares a whole slew of ideas for a variety of different situations.

I also highly recommend this excellent post by PhD in Parenting – Gentle Baby and Toddler Sleep Tips.

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marcela beatty You Asked, I Answer (Part V)Marcela asks: Tell me, what do you do when you are feeling down? What are some ways you handle stress?

I run. I talk to my husband. I pray. I make lists. And then I talk to my husband again.

YOUR TURN: Do YOU have any separation anxiety tips to share with Mary? Do YOU know any magical secrets for getting babies to sleep? How do YOU handle stress?

BEST OF 2009: Baby Posts

baby red shirt BEST OF 2009: Baby PostsHere’s a look back at my five favorite newborn/baby-related posts from 2009:

If you didn’t get a chance to read them, I hope you will. I’d love to have you weigh in on the discussions too!

Nursing at Night – What to Wear to Bed

sleeping baby 9 months old Nursing at Night   What to Wear to BedIn the beginning, baby #2 was a “prodigy sleeper” – sleeping 8 to 11 hours pretty much from birth.

Now, at 9 months, she’s waking in the night to nurse – several times. Truth be told, I don’t really mind.

I am, however, grateful that I have a few nursing nightgowns and pajama sets to slip into each night so that I don’t have to scrunch up my shirt in those sweet, sleepy moments.

If you’re nursing (or planning on nursing), I highly recommend that you invest in at least one or two nursing nightgowns or pajama sets. You’ll reach for them night after night…and you’ll find that you get a high return for the money you spend. It’s so nice to have “night clothes” (as my 3-year-old calls them…) that allow you to nurse with absolute ease when you’re sleepy and blurry-eyed.

Here are two options for you…

ENT Dark Plum 170x200 Nursing at Night   What to Wear to BedThe Essential Nursing Bra Tank ($45) by Bravado Designs

Wait – don’t skip over this paragraph just because you’ve tried other nursing tanks without success. THIS ONE is different…and I can tell you exactly why. The tank features a double-molded, full support bra that “provides amazing support and beautiful shape.” I know I just stole that language from the site, but – seriously! – it’s true.

Unlike other nursing tanks that feature flimsy shelf bras or no bra at all, this tank offers enough support for day or night wear…even for those of us who are well-endowed (the tank is available from 32 B/C all the way up through 40 F/G).

The reason you don’t see a picture of me “modeling” the top is because it’s pretty low-cut (as evidenced above) and thus I reserve it strictly for around-the-house wear.

The clips are definitely harder to get used to than I would have liked, but – once you do, they work like a charm.

Available in four classic colors (my favorite is the Dark Plum, featured above), the tank is a great bedtime piece. Just pair with some comfy PJ pants (perhaps these rayon and organic cotton lounge pants by Sandmaiden Sleepwear?) or cozy capris and you’ll look great.

L5032 PPL front main Nursing at Night   What to Wear to BedCrossover nursing and maternity nightgown in organic cotton ($39) by Milk Nursingwear

Guess what? I’m wearing this nightgown right this minute and it is sooo comfortable. It’s like wearing your favorite t-shirt…only way prettier.

Made of 100% cotton, this simply designed nightgown would make an excellent gift for any new mama. It’s perfect for pregnancy, as a “coming home outfit,” and for the months/years in a nursing mama’s journey.

Pulling the top aside to nurse is a cinch (no fumbling for a clip at 2am) and the easy breezy fit will be your best friend on days when you don’t want to slip on anything form-fitting. This may not be the most elaborate or glamorous nightgown out there, but the cost is truly attractive and I really do love wearing it.

YOUR TURN: What is your favorite thing to sleep in?

WIN IT! There will be two winners. One winner will receive a nursing tank of her choice by Bravado Design. A second winner will receive a Crossover nursing and maternity nightgown in organic cotton ($37) by Milk Nursingwear. To enter, leave any topic-related comment on this post prior to Monday, December 28th at 11:59 p.m. (Don’t forget to follow the rules…all generic comments like “Enter me!,” “Love it,” and “Cool stuff!” will be disqualified.).

* I received product samples for review purposes.

*UPDATE* The winner of the Bravado Designs tank is #12 Marina. The winner of the Milk Nursingwear nightgown is #70 Sara. Congratulations!

6.5 hours of sleep per night {what’s your average?}

The average person will spend 1/3 of their lifetime sleeping.

As in: 30%.

Since I generally operate on about 6.5 hours of sleep per night (with no naps during the day), my percentage is probably a bit lower than that.

That said, all of us still spend a large chunk of our lives under our sheets, our eyelids fluttering with dreams.

Our beds are places that we relax, get revived, experience intimacy, and recover from illness. Our beds are our resting places.

img88m 300x240 6.5 hours of sleep per night {whats your average?}Recently, Williams-Sonoma Home sent me a set of Percale sheets to review – and I’m beginning to wonder why we haven’t invested in a high-quality set of sheets before (oh, wait, I know the answer…the price). Nice sheets really do make all of the difference. Tailored from 800-thread-count four-ply Egyptian cotton, the crisp white sheets are cool and satiny to the touch, soft and luxurious to slip into at the end of each day. I totally look forward to gliding under those sheets and laying my head on those pillowcases every night. Pure bliss.

P.S. I do realize that I should probably be getting more than 6 hours of sleep every night. I need to think about how to add in an hour more. But not tonight. I have too much (fun) work to do…

YOUR TURN: How many hours of sleep do you get per night? Do you nap during the day?

wsh logo 150x56 6.5 hours of sleep per night {whats your average?}WIN IT! One winner will receive a Percale sheet set (fitted sheet, flat sheet, 2 pillowcases) from Williams-Sonoma Home {valued at over $800; winner’s choice of color and size}. To enter, leave any topic-related comment on this post prior to Sunday, November 1st at 11:59 p.m. (Don’t forget to follow the rules…all generic comments like “Enter me!,” “Love it,” and “Cool stuff!” will be disqualified.).

*UPDATE* The winner is #375 Helen S. Congratulations!