Okay, okay. You may be thinking groggily…letting a baby “cry it out” is heartless and harmful. I agree.
BUT I’m totally and utterly weary to the bone. What do I do about that? (Yawn…)
That’s a completely legitimate concern. After all, it’s hard to be a good parent when you are sleep-deprived.
Here are my top three tips to help you and your family get more sleep…
- Start by cutting yourself some slack. Relax your expectations. There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to get your baby to sleep through the night as fast as possible. People started asking us if our baby was sleeping through the night pretty much the day after we got home from the hospital. Silly, people. Don’t they know that…”…waking up once or twice a night is really normal during the first two years of life…and until about age three, a great percentage of children wake up during the night needing a parent’s attention”? In fact, “it is perfectly natural, absolutely normal, and totally expected for your toddler or preschooler to wake up in the night and need your help to fall back asleep” (Elizabeth Pantley, The No-Cry Sleep Solution).
- Take into account that your baby is a unique human being. You know how some adults can totally live off of 6 hours of sleep per night, while others need 9+ to avoid becoming a Grump Monster? Well, babies are like that too. Some babies need less sleep than others. Some babies need more nighttime nourishment. Some babies want to be right by your side; others like to have their own special space. Our two daughters are definitely different from each other when it comes to their sleeping habits…and that’s okay. All this to say, don’t compare your baby to your friends’ babies or watch “sleep charts” too closely. Just because your neighbor’s 6-month-old baby is sleeping through the night doesn’t mean that your baby should be too…or that her baby is a “good baby” and your baby is not. Actually, maybe your baby will grow up to be one of those hugely productive individuals who can operate brilliantly on minimal amounts of sleep. Likewise, just because Dr. SmartyPants says that most babies sleep X number of hours per day or that toddlers still need naps at age 2 doesn’t mean your baby will fit neatly in those categories. Babies are people, too, after all.
- Question the current “sleep advice.” We, for example, co-sleep with our babies or have them sleep in our room through about age one (gasp!). And we don’t own a crib (gasp!). And we let our baby sleep on her stomach (triple gasp!). Oh, and I nurse my babies to sleep and, supposedly, that’s a big no-no. But now that my older one is two years old, I can tell you with confidence that it was not at all hard to “transition” her from our room to her room. And she sleeps all through the night now – calmly, peacefully – in her own room, in her own bed. She knows with 100% confidence that we will come to her if she calls.
- Do what works best for your family. You can read more about this in my previous post – How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep, but – essentially – I think it’s best to talk to your spouse, come up with a plan, and follow your heart. Babies do eventually grow up and sleep through the night. I can assure you of that. I know that it’s super hard to imagine right now, but that day will come eventually. And when that day arrives, you will probably miss these nursing sessions and little cries for “Mama” in the middle of the night. You’ll look back with a wistful sigh and remember everything through rose-colored glasses. You’ll realize it was a brief “season” of life – a beautiful, chaotic, crazy time – full of little sleep…but lots and lots of love.
Best wishes to you and your family!
This post is all about how to to get your baby to sleep through the night in 30 days…guaranteed!
For starters, I don’t like the “lesson” it teaches the baby – which is, “If I cry, no one is going to come.” I don’t know about you, but I want my children to know that I AM going to come, that I WILL be there – to comfort and to console, day or night, no matter how tired I am or how inconveniencing it is for me.
Secondarily, I think crying it out takes advantage of a baby’s lack of voice. After all, what if a child or an adult were screaming from the other room, “I need you! I need you!“? Would you just turn to your spouse and say, “Turn down the volume on the monitor, honey. We can check on him/her in an hour”? Of course not! But since babies can’t use words, we somehow think it’s okay to leave them in their anguish.
Thirdly, ”crying it out” ignores the fact that many babies physically require attention in the nighttime hours. Many babies – perhaps most babies – need to be fed, changed, burped, and/or held at night in the early months and…dare I say it?…years. Crying is how babies express their needs. Parental responsibilities don’t end promptly at 8 p.m. and start again at 7:00 a.m. the next day – as much as we might like that to be the case. There is no “off” switch when it comes to parenting. Even if you’re exhausted to the bone. It is in those moments when our character is truly being honed – are we patient and gentle and compassionate even when it is inconvenient? That is, after all, when it matters most of all. I am grateful – usually in hind sight, I must admit – for those times because they make me a better person.
Finally, crying it out causes mamas (and papas too) to squash out their natural parental instincts…and perhaps their “human” instincts too. It’s not “normal” to just listen to another human being in agony and do nothing – as a parent or as a global citizen.
”
“
