you can’t buy happiness at Target

2 years old hand on her hip you cant buy happiness at Target

her signature pose - hand on the hips

She stands in the 3am light in the doorway of our master bedroom, one hand on her tiny hip. Pink monkey pajama pants. Sweetest of 2-year-old voices, “I need to go potty.”

I take her to the bathroom. We are both quiet, too tired to speak. Afterward, Tim opens his arms and she snuggles in, grateful, not wanting to go back to the room across the house.

Five minutes later, her older sister appears. Five years old, with gangly limbs and extra-long eyelashes, she prefers to be squished in bed with all of us than have a mattress to herself.

Tim says, “Oh, fine. Come on in.” I giggle softly from my side – and the girls do too, before slipping off to slumber.

All four of us – no, wait, five of us – on a queen size bed.

Yesterday, Tim said, “Sometimes I think about downsizing. We only use two rooms in our house anyway.”  Mmmm. I murmur in agreement. I know he’s not joking. Neither am I.

We have less stuff than ever, but we are slowing re-discovering what happiness looks like. And it’s certainly not found in Target.

National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself

breastfeeding baby national breastfeeding awareness month National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myselfAugust is National Breastfeeding Awareness Month.

In honor of the event, I thought I’d write a letter about breastfeeding…to myself. This letter would have helped me immensely three years go, when I was hugely pregnant and just about to welcome my firstborn daughter into the world.

Here it is – a letter from the post-kids me to the pre-kids me.

Please keep in mind that this is a letter to me and may not necessarily apply to your particular situation or experience. This is not medical advice. It is, quite simply, what I would have wanted to know way back then.

————————————————————————————————————

Dear Stephanie,

You are about to embark on the most incredible journey of your life. Motherhood is going to change your life in ways you can’t even imagine. You’ll scream when you feel your baby’s head crowning. And then – in that moment – you will be forever changed.

The love that you feel will be overwhelming, glorious, miraculous, mesmerizing. I know you think you know what that will be like, but you don’t. You really don’t.

You’ll be amazed when your newborn is placed on your bare chest, skin-to-skin. You’ll look up and smile at your husband – joyful, triumphant. And then – miracle of miracles – your baby will move her head to your chest and begin suckling as if she’s done it one hundred times before. It will be natural. It will be beautiful…

But then it will be painful. You will bleed. You will crack. You will cry. Your knuckles will grasp your chair and you will bite your lip to keep from screaming.

But it will be worth it. It will be amazing. Nursing will bond you to your baby deeply, so deeply. You’ll soon begin to regard milk as “magic” because it calms your baby, soothes her, nourishes her, protects her.

It won’t be a piece of cake in the beginning though.

To make things easier on yourself, be sure to have the following products on-hand:

31EW4JinT7L. SL160 AA115  National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself Lansinoh Lanolin Nursing Cream
31OhFOUaWjL. SL160 AA115  National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself Lansinoh Ultra-Soft Nursing Pads
31BW JSHqpL. AA280  150x150 National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself31BW JSHqpL. AA280  National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself 3 Good Nursing Bras:

- Melinda G Tee-Shirt Nursing Softcup #2115

- Melinda G 2160 Glorious Contour Tee-Shirt Soft Cup Nursing Bra

- Bravado Microfiber Nursing Bra

519TSGokKXL. AA280  150x150 National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself Bebe au Lait Nursing Cover
31HNT054QWL. SL160 AA115  National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself Majamas MJ Maternity/Nursing Pajamas (or another nursing nightgown/PJ set)
41H96MFYYKL. SL160 AA115  National Breastfeeding Awareness Month: a letter to myself My Brest Friend or Boppy nursing pillow

Also, remember these things:

  1. Forget the nursing logs and ignore the clock. The nurse will give you a chart to “record” all of your baby’s feedings and peeings and poopings. Put it aside and sleep instead. Feed your baby whenever she seems hungry. Don’t try to feed her by the clock. Relax.
  2. Learn to nurse lying down – pronto. The sooner you can learn this technique, the more sleep you will get. If necessary, call up one of your friends who is a nursing mama and have her demonstrate.
  3. Co-sleep without shame. Co-sleeping is a boon for nursing moms. You don’t have to tiptoe around the subject. Co-sleeping is good for you and your baby. You’ll sleep better. She’ll sleep better. Do it proudly.
  4. Nurse in public without hesitation. There’s no need to feed her in a roasting car or in a locked bedroom. Wear a nursing-friendly top or a camisole under your tee, bring your nursing cover along, and you’ll be able to nurse discreetly and modestly with ease. Anywhere. Anytime.
  5. Don’t feel pressure to leave your baby. You will prefer to have your baby with you. Your husband will feel the same. But “outside sources” will try to convince you that you should go on a date night or attend a Christmas party without your baby. Just smile and say, “no thank you.”
  6. Enjoy every single moment of baby bliss. Babies are only babies for a little while. You won’t be able to imagine it now, but pretty soon you’ll blink and a beautiful, bright, compassionate preschooler will be in front of you. She’ll be gorgeous. She’ll be kind. She’ll be a great conversationalist and a deep thinker. But now – right now – she’s your baby. Hold her and kiss her and stare at her all you want.

Signed,

An older, wiser, more experienced YOU

P.S. It’s okay to let your baby sleep on her tummy (she is right beside you, after all..and you are totally tuned into her breathing patterns). She will sleep so much better that way – and so will you.

How to get your baby to sleep through the night, Part II

Okay, okay. You may be thinking groggily…letting a baby “cry it out” is heartless and harmful. I agree.

BUT I’m totally and utterly weary to the bone. What do I do about that? (Yawn…)

yawning How to get your baby to sleep through the night, Part II

That’s a completely legitimate concern. After all, it’s hard to be a good parent when you are sleep-deprived.

Here are my top three tips to help you and your family get more sleep…

  1. Start by cutting yourself some slack. Relax your expectations. There’s a lot of pressure in our culture to get your baby to sleep through the night as fast as possible. People started asking us if our baby was sleeping through the night pretty much the day after we got home from the hospital. Silly, people. Don’t they know that…”…waking up once or twice a night is really normal during the first two years of life…and until about age three, a great percentage of children wake up during the night needing a parent’s attention”? In fact, “it is perfectly natural, absolutely normal, and totally expected for your toddler or preschooler to wake up in the night and need your help to fall back asleep” (Elizabeth Pantley, The No-Cry Sleep Solution).
  2. Take into account that your baby is a unique human being. You know how some adults can totally live off of 6 hours of sleep per night, while others need 9+ to avoid becoming a Grump Monster? Well, babies are like that too. Some babies need less sleep than others. Some babies need more nighttime nourishment. Some babies want to be right by your side; others like to have their own special space. Our two daughters are definitely different from each other when it comes to their sleeping habits…and that’s okay. All this to say, don’t compare your baby to your friends’ babies or watch “sleep charts” too closely. Just because your neighbor’s 6-month-old baby is sleeping through the night doesn’t mean that your baby should be too…or that her baby is a “good baby” and your baby is not. Actually, maybe your baby will grow up to be one of those hugely productive individuals who can operate brilliantly on minimal amounts of sleep. Likewise, just because Dr. SmartyPants says that most babies sleep X number of hours per day or that toddlers still need naps at age 2 doesn’t mean your baby will fit neatly in those categories. Babies are people, too, after all.
  3. Question the current “sleep advice.” We, for example, co-sleep with our babies or have them sleep in our room through about age one (gasp!). And we don’t own a crib (gasp!). And we let our baby sleep on her stomach (triple gasp!). Oh, and I nurse my babies to sleep and, supposedly, that’s a big no-no. But now that my older one is two years old, I can tell you with confidence that it was not at all hard to “transition” her from our room to her room. And she sleeps all through the night now – calmly, peacefully – in her own room, in her own bed. She knows with 100% confidence that we will come to her if she calls.
  4. Do what works best for your family. You can read more about this in my previous post – How to Get a Good Night’s Sleep, but – essentially – I think it’s best to talk to your spouse, come up with a plan, and follow your heart. Babies do eventually grow up and sleep through the night. I can assure you of that. I know that it’s super hard to imagine right now, but that day will come eventually. And when that day arrives, you will probably miss these nursing sessions and little cries for “Mama” in the middle of the night. You’ll look back with a wistful sigh and remember everything through rose-colored glasses. You’ll realize it was a brief “season” of life – a beautiful, chaotic, crazy time – full of little sleep…but lots and lots of love.

Best wishes to you and your family!